Just as I am struggling to come up with a balance in the midst of this major paradigm shift that the Lord has initiated and am tempted to hang up the writing career, I receive feedback from a reader of my books on burden bearing/high sensitivity. This gentleman was so helped–these kinds of letters keep me encouraged to wrestle on with this calling of the Lord to write. It goes a long way to quench the desire to just give it all up and knit!
Here it is:
testimonial of sorts. Its impact on me
has been awesome and continues to have its impact on me. It amazes me how Jesus asked one of His
sisters to write a book many years ago.
Being obedient the book is written.
And today it has literally saved my life many years later. This is a book that was written from the
heart and not the intellect. It
expresses the heart of the one who wrote it and the One who inspired it. The difference between a testimony and a
teaching is that teaching imparts knowledge which is stored and processed in
the intellect. A testimony, on the other
hand, imparts the Life of Christ. The
book “The Mystery of Spiritual Sensitivity” is such a book that ministers the Life of
Christ and isn’t an intellectual description of real events.
have some understanding of where I was at when the Lord directed me to this
book. I am sixty years old. My entire
life up to this point was nothing but suffering. I don’t remember any good thing ever
happening to me. I lost my childhood to traumatic amnesia. I had the Job experience. I didn’t just have a series of bad hair
days. Like Job I lost everything. A year ago my wife died after a long
illness. My loss was the Lords gain.
Having been married to her for 30 years it was quite devastating. In the devastation, I died too. Everything that held my life together was
gone, including my religious beliefs. It
appeared to me that God had committed first degree murder. Who did He murder? Me! I died to self but it appeared as though God
took it upon his self to deal with “me” without my consent. I no longer had a reason to live. After the initial shock of my wife’s death
started to subside I realized that now I was free to live for God. It is in this context that Lord directed me
to this book.
it described my suffering. It also
pointed to the cause. Empathy as it
relates to burden bearing. I was
responding to these feelings that weren’t my own just as if they were
mine. The Lord was in the midst of it
and large pieces of the picture of my life fell into place perfectly. I finally understood what happened and why!! This one thing is priceless! For the first time in my life I stopped running
away from my emotions. The books also
pointed out the right way to deal with these feelings. I have heard it a thousand time cast your
burdens to Jesus. Now I understood what
that meant. I have learned that even
though the context in the book is burden bearing, I take all my feelings to the
Lord now and that I’m not supposed to hold on to those feelings in the first
damage that was done, the Lord can bring healing. It also mentioned the “enemy of my soul tried
to remove anything that would indicate who I was” (paraphrase). The first thing the Lord healed was the
murder charge I laid on Him after my wife died.
I would not have accepted the evidence that the Lord provided of His
innocence if it had not been for what I read in this book. No matter what the
damage the Lord can bring healing. Not
only can He, He actually did bring healing!!
The devil came within a half
inch of completely destroying me and the Lord brought healing. It doesn’t get any worse than accusing the
Lord of murder and meaning it with all my heart. Needless to say after three months me and the
Lord back together again and everything explained to my
satisfaction. (it involved forgiveness and repentance J).
High sensitivity (empathy) can be a burdensome gift when we do not understand what we are experiencing. When 70-80% of the general population is not highly sensitive you can see why they look at us and wonder what is wrong with us and urge us to “not be that way!” And in anguish we reply, “If only we could!” Our central nervous system is a design capability; it is hard wiring; it is part of our DNA. To fight against it or deny it is to turn away from our God-given design. To “hate” how I am is to hate what God has declared to be good, what He delights in. On our own the best we can do is to build defense mechanisms, coping strategies. But that leads to “existing” rather than living life abundantly.
I don’t know about you, but I want to live life abundantly and experience the full capabilities of my design. I want to live out the purpose for which He designed me. If God has built me as a Ferarri, I say let’s learn how to drive this thing!
Buckle up! Carol